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This article is from the archive of our partner.Tomorrow, FXX begins its 12-day marathon of every Simpsons episode ever. This is in itself a monumental and staggering challenge, and we have on how to handle it. But this revived Simpsons mania led me down an even deeper, darker garden path: an effort to painstakingly catalogue the funniest line spoken by every important Simpsons character, from the five main family members to the recesses of the vast recurring cast. Every choice is, of course, utterly definitive, and I'm sure no one will have any objections to them. But I have annotated most of them just in case there is debate.

• The Simpsons Name List

Read on, hopefully with a mix of horror and delight. Homer Simpson'Everything lasts forever.' — Homer the Great (Season 6, Episode 12), in response to Lisa's warning, 'Dad I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever!' there is no one greatest Homer line, I admit. This quiet exchange in the middle of the Stonecutters episode has long been a personal favorite Marge Simpson'Listen to your mother, kids.

Aim so low no one will even care if you succeed. Dinner's in the oven. If you want some butter it's under my face.' — The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (Season 8, Episode 11), after her pretzel business fails.whenever we get a glimpse into Marge's deep, but usually hidden, well of darkness and depression is usually when she's at her funniest.

Grandpa Simpson'I can't wait to eat that monkey.' — Girly Edition (Season 9, Episode 21), after meeting his new helper monkey Mojo. I also considered the line about being 'with it' from Homerpalooza, but that's just a brilliant piece of writing, less character-specific Charles Montgomery Burns'Have the Rolling Stones killed.' — Rosebud (Season 5, Episode 4), after being given a profane birthday concert by The Ramones.impossible to choose, but there's something so perfect about the combination of casual evil and cultural unawareness here Waylon Smithers. Seymour Skinner'Attention, students, this is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the principal's office. Report immediately for an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium.

Damn it, I wish we hadn't let the students name that one.' — Lisa on Ice (Season 6, Episode 8), making a school announcement.but he did, so he'll follow the rules about it Agnes Skinner'Oh my name's Agnes, and you know it's Agnes! It means lamb! Lamb of God!'

— The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (Season 8, Episode 11), when Marge forgets her namevery close between this and, from the same episode,'Gimbels is gone, MargeLONG gone. You're Gimbels!' Krusty the Clown. Rod Flanders'Iron helps us play!' — Lisa's First Word (Season 4, Episode 10), running to eat liver for dinner. Todd Flanders'Daddy says dice are wicked!' — My Sister, My Sitter (Season 8, Episode 17), playing board games with Lisa.it's more Moe's line but I also love 'my freakin' ears!'

Reverend Lovejoy'Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.' — Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily (Season 7, Episode 3), giving spiritual advice to Ned.all his best lines are along these parameters Helen Lovejoy. It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!'

— Itchy and Scratchy and Marge (Season 2, Episode 9), discussing Michaelangelo's David.Helen's hysterical delivery is crucial to everything she does, such as the much-quoted line linked above Clancy Wiggum'Bake 'em away, toys!' — Cape Feare (Season 5, Episode 2), overriding Bart's order of 'take 'em away, boys!' perfect in its simplicity Ralph Wiggum'Mrs.

Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me'— Grade School Confidential (Season 8, Episode 19), after witnessing a makeout session in a janitor's closet.the most Simpsons character, but he has a ton of great moments. 'Give me that, you noodle-armed choir-boy!'

— The Joy of Sect (Season 9, Episode 13), fighting with Reverend Lovejoy over who gets to beat the cult programming out of Homer.followed by Reverend Lovejoy calling him 'Mr. Kilt' Barney Gumble'LORD PALMERSTON!'

— Homer at the Bat (Season 3, Episode 17), debating England's greatest Prime Minister with Wade Boggs.the best version of the 'stupid guy is smart' joke ever Apu'Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.' — Homer and Apu (Season 5, Episode 13), after being shot.I love Apu jokes that center on his brave and violent occupation Moe'I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt.

I can't compete with that stuff.' — Team Homer (Season 7, Episode 12), evaluating his status in life.right behind Krusty in the 'favorite character' and 'endlessly funny lines' categories. 'Everything's coming up Milhouse!' — Mom and Pop Art (Season 10, Episode 9), when his flood pants keep his cuffs 'bone-dry.'

sometimes it's best to go with the greatest hits Lionel Hutz'He's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly,' and the word 'dog' with 'son.'

'— Marge in Chains (Season 4, Episode 21), discussing his relationship with Judge Snyder.how do you pick just one Hutz line? It's impossible Troy McClure'Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!'

— Lisa the Vegetarian (Season 7, Episode 5), advocating against vegetarianism.just as impossible, but this whole fake newsreel is my favorite Troy McClure scene. 'Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be.the Killbot Factory.' — Homer Loves Flanders (Season 5, Episode 16)other obvious choices include 'insect overlords' and 'democracy simply doesn't work,' but this is an old personal favorite. Thanks to his job on the show, Kent is one of the best sources of one-liners Edna Krabappel'She's faking.' — Bart's Friend Falls In Love (Season 3, Episode 23), watching a sex education video with her fourth-graders.really, all you need is 'HAH!'

Miss Hoover'I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.' — Lisa the Iconoclast (Season 7, Episode 16), endorsing the use of the word 'embiggens.'

pretty much every great Miss Hoover moment hinges on her utter apathy Superintendent Chalmers'Oh, I have had it, I have had it with this school, Skinner! The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children!'

— Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song (Season 5, Episode 19), evaluating Springfield Elementary.the greatest Utican to ever appear on television. 'Ohhh, I've wasted my life.' — Treehouse of Horror VIII (Season 9, Episode 4), seconds before he is obliterated by a neutron bomb.a close-runner up is 'I can give you this telephone. It is shaped like Mary Worth.'

Professor Frink'Please, I have a funny story, if you'll listen? I even wrote theme music, listen! Professor Frink, Professor Frink, he'll make you laugh, he'll make you think, he likes to run, and then the thing, with the.person? Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay'— 22 Short Films About Springfield (Season 7, Episode 21), missing his chance at debuting his spinoff 'The Tomfoolery of Professor John Frink.'

it's all about the delivery with Frink, but I wish we could have seen this show. Gotta nuke somethin'.'

— Lisa's Date With Destiny (Season 8, Episode 7), defending his 'Nuke the Whales' poster.gotta nuke somethin'! Fat Tony'You have 24 hours to give us our money. And to show you we're serious you have 12 hours.'

— The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (Season 8, Episode 11), giving Marge a mob ultimatum.he's legendarily great throughout this episode Sea Captain'Arr, I don't know what I'm doin'.' — Boy-Scouts N the Hood (Season 5, Episode 8), after a boat he's trying to sell to Homer sinks.for a man whose name is an occupation, the Sea Captain has held many jobs over the years Luigi'Hey Salvatore! Get the ugly kid a platter of the red crap-a!' — Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song (Season 5, Episode 19), putting in an order for Bart's food.also: 'Yeah, you see how you scum'.

The Simpsons Name List

'Sidewalk's for regular walkin', not for fancy walkin'.' — Who Shot Mr. Burns, Part Two (Season 7, Episode 1), as Smithers approaches him drunkenly.Jasper is a secret fountain of great quotes Gil Gunderson'Ah, they stole the balloon! I've been living in there! hot plate falls from the balloon Oh, lord, my hot plate! I only had two payments left!'

— Natural Born Kissers (Season 9, Episode 25), after Homer and Marge steal his hot air balloon.same for Gil. Remember his rusty Colecovisions Joe Quimby'Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?— Lisa the Iconoclast (Season 7, Episode 16), after the town decides to dig up Jebediah Springfield's corpse.Quimby has never said anything that wasn't funny The Blue-Haired Lawyer'Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save Itchy & Scratchy.' — The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show (Season 8, Episode 14), after Roger Myers Jr. Tells Lisa she saved Itchy & Scratchy.I love the blue-haired lawyer. Martin Prince'Ooh! Pick me, Teacher! I'm ever so smart!'

— The Last Temptation of Homer (Season 5, Episode 9), calling out in class.Team Discovery Channel!. Uter'Don't make me run! I'm full of chocolate!' — Lisa on Ice (Season 6, Episode 8), being chased by Homer the towel-snapper in the gymUter might not have another great line, but he's got this one Jimbo'That is so gay!' — Lisa's Date With Destiny (Season 8, Episode 7), upon witnessing Nelson kiss a girl.probably the funniest of the bully trio Hans Moleman'I need the biggest seed bell you have.No, that's too big.' — Itchy & Scratchy Land (Season 6, Episode 4), under attack from predatory birdsjust thinking about what they said on the other side of this phone call puts me in hysterics Otto. Nick'When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain getting damaged?'

— Who Shot Mr. Burns, Part 2 (Season 7, Episode 1), inspecting a catatonic Mr. Burns.one of the best one-joke characters Lunchlady Doris'More testicles means more iron.' — Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song (Season 5, Episode 19), preparing lunch from a barrel of horse testicles.but don't forget her promoting the 'bunly goodness' of a hot dog bun Duffman'Duffman. Can't breathe! — Pygmoelian (Season 11, Episode 16), after Moe puts a suffocating sticker on his face.another one-joke character who maybe should have died with this appearance Snake.

'I found the shows portrayal of Ned Flanders as a mindless killer following the orders to kill people from Homer Simpsons transponder bible highly offensive sic', said one such complaint. 'The 'God' character referring to Satan as 'the big guy downstairs' is highly offensive. The next affront to my faith is the depiction of God as a servant to Satan by giving Satan a cup of coffee. This is all the further I cared to watch this program. This depiction of Christianity has become a standby for The Simpsons and I find it highly offensive.'

Several complaints were about Bart Simpson being repeatedly kicked in the groin, including depictions that left him 'lying on the floor in sexual agony'.Meanwhile, one viewer was concerned that 'audiences from as young as four years old' may have witnessed a scene in which Marge Simpson kisses another woman:'In the episode, Homer Simpson is imagining unpleasant things that could happen while being uninsured. Among the things Homer was also imagining was Marge Simpson having a lesbian kiss with another woman. This is a show which audiences from as young as four years old watch frequently.'

The image of Marge Simpson kissing another woman is indecent and the episode should be banned from broadcast to prevent children from seeing this.' But perhaps the most squeamish complaints seemed to come in response to the show's apparent use of bad language.One complainant cited: 'Talking about taking a poop, found this offensive.

Another was having to take a pee, found offensive as well. Need to use better language as in the past when language was more pure.'

Another complaint simply reads: 'One line was about whipping someone's toosh.' The full list of complaints can be read at.